You can call me your own personal priest, ready to have your sins confessed to at any given moment of the day, without making you recite a prayer, and tell you god forgives you. Because, come on. We all know none of you sad beings deserve to be forgiven by anyone, let alone the almighty.
I can be that friend who's ear you talk off every moment your sad, sad soul hears something naughty. Filling it with the juiciest of Lima, Ohio's gossip, anyone who trusts you's secrets, who's sleeping with who, who said what about who, etc., etc. I can be there for you, but don't expect me to keep it to myself.